Grey
by MyOtherFace
Summary: Roxas makes an attempt at suicide and Axel- his ex whom he can no longer remember- has to help him recover from not only the physical trauma, but the mental, too.
1. Chapter 1

Well. I must say this is sad. I mean, how can you do this to your OTP? I remember shedding a tear or two when I wrote this a while back. *sigh*

This is a fic I've been trying to convince my self to put up here for a while. It'll be a long-ish one, and I _might_ include other pairings. (SoRiku will _definitely_ be in here though) I'm not sure. But it's mainly AkuRoku, and that's what I'll focus on. Since it's an AU, there will probably be ooc-ness. If this does not please you, well, that's your problem. Find another fic.

Sadly, I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Disney or Final Fantasy. If I did, I wouldn't be here writing fanfic. And AkuRoku would be canon, as well as SoRiku.

* * *

Chapter One: Red

* * *

"Where am I?"

The cliché, overused question everyone asks when they wake up in what is obviously a hospital room. It made him want to throw up. Or maybe it was the grossly clean smell that made him sick. Or the obnoxious, incessant beeping, or the stiff and uncomfortable bed. Maybe they were all guilty as charged.

"Where do you think?"

The unfamiliar voice came from his left, the side that hurt most. He couldn't remember _why _he hurt, but he knew he should have been able to. Knew it was... important.

"...Why am I here?"

Moments passed before the voice spoke again. "You went months without eating and you were hurting yourself, so you were in a bad position to begin with. And then you decide to cut deeper, down a bunch of pills, and shoot yourself. Not smart, Roxie."

_Oh_. Right.

"How... How long have I been asleep?" Roxas took a deep breath before he opened his eyes. He turned his head to his left, anxious to see who this stranger was. "Oh... I know you...?"

The man had long, flaming red hair- how he got it to be such a bright, unnatural color, Roxas didn't know. He had odd, tear-shaped tattoos underneath vibrant green eyes and his skin was very, very light compared to Roxas' naturally tan body. Roxas _knew_ him. But he didn't _know _who he was.

Roxas was confused.

"Who... Who are you?"

The man smiled. "Don't got it memorized, huh? Oh well. Suppose you have a reason. I'm Axel. Your... your _friend_." The male with the red hair smiled before stretching and yawning. "Damn chairs are uncomfortable."

"My... friend?" Roxas tested the words. It didn't feel right. "Friend. Fr-ien-d." He sounded out every part of it. It was wrong. _He _was wrong. Roxas didn't have any friends. Roxas had nobody.

The man- Axel- smiled a sad smile and reached out to touch Roxas' hand. The boy jumped and Axel quickly pulled his hand back. "Sorry. I guess you're... I just missed you, ya know?"

_Nobody will miss you._

Roxas frowned. "Nobody missed me. Nobody would miss me. I should've... I should've died. I wasn't meant to be here. I'm... a nobody."

_I wish you'd never been born. _

Axel shook his head, angry. "I missed you, Roxas! Every second of every day you were... _Gone_, I missed you. That fucking scared me, ya know?" Axel stood up, towering over Roxas. He glared at the younger male for what seemed like an eternity. But a strange sadness was woven into that glare. Sadness and loneliness and…. Something else. Something Roxas couldn't quite name.

Roxas stared back. His eyes were dull and lifeless, no longer the bright, shining blue they used to be. Axel's glare softened and Roxas was genuinely surprised when the redhead leaned down to wrap his arms around him.

"I missed you," Axel whispered.

_I won't miss you._

Roxas found this behavior weird, though he didn't know why. He just felt the redhead should be... livelier. More fun. Loud, bright, obnoxious. Not this sincere, sad being. Roxas wished he could remember who this man was exactly.

Roxas' arms stayed at his sides while he was hugged. He tried not to wince when Axel's chest touched his own- but it _hurt_, and he couldn't help the quiet "ow" that befell his lips.

Axel jumped back. "I... I forgot. Sorry babe." A pained expression crossed his face. "I- I mean Roxas. Sorry, Roxas." He scratched the back of his neck while awkwardly standing an awkward distance from Roxas in this awkward silence. It was... Awkward.

And then a nurse walked in. "Oh! You're finally awake!" She turned to Axel with a disapproving frown. "You were told to contact us as soon as he-"

Axel waved his hand at her. "Yeah, yeah. I know. Excuse me for being more concerned about speaking to him for the first time in a month than calling a nurse in the second he opened his eyes."

The tiny nurse with the mouse-like features- light brown hair, big brown eyes, petite frame, timid but determined- huffed. "You still should've contacted one of us so we could come check on him."

"He's breathing, isn't he?"

The nurse ignored Axel and moved around him to get to Roxas. "How are you feeling, sweetie? Anything hurt?"

"Everything," the boy monotonously replied.

"Oh... Well what hurts the most?"

"My chest."

Roxas paid no attention to her as she checked his vitals, gave him some drugs to help with the pain, and reassured him that everything was all right. He pointedly ignored her.

When the mousy nurse left the room, Axel moved closer to Roxas. He took the boy's hand and held it tight so he couldn't pull away. "Why don't you get some sleep, Roxas? I've got something I need to do real quick anyway."

Roxas felt a slight wave of panic wash over him. He squeezed Axel's hand and looked at the older male with his sadness in his eyes. "D-Don't go. Don't leave me." He didn't know why he wanted this... this _stranger _with the crazy hair and unusual tattoos to stay by his side, but Roxas felt as if he'd miss him if Axel left.

"But it's important, Rox. I gotta go."

Roxas stubbornly held on to the redhead's hand even though his grip started to loosen slightly. He was suddenly fighting to keep his eyes open. "N... No..."

Axel sighed. "You're about to pass out anyway. You won't even know I'm gone. I'll be back before you wake up. Promise." The redhead leaned down and looked Roxas in the eye. "I love you."

Roxas felt his heart flutter and he wondered why a stranger was saying such a thing to him. But... Was he even a stranger? Or did he _know _Axel?

Axel stayed holding Roxas' hand until the boy's eyes had finally closed and the once tight grip on his hand went slack. The redhead sighed and turned around. He made his way over to the door and looked back at the sleeping blonde, watching him for a moment before shaking his head and finally leaving the room.

* * *

So. What did you think? If I can get even _one_ review and _one_ favorite or something, I will work my ass off and try and have another chapter up and ready on Christmas Day. Or before the end of this year. Whatever. Just depends on _when_ I get said review/favorite. I just need motivation to continue this, otherwise I might not be able to go on with it.


	2. Chapter 2

First off- To those of you that celebrate it- Merry Christmas!

Secondly- Wow. Compared to other people the 8 reviews I got is nothing but dang. You who reviewed made me happy. :3 I wasn't expecting it.

And last but not least- This chapter is longer than the first one- at first it was two chapters but I didn't like the way it was separated and how short they were so. This story is going to go slow. At least until Roxas gets out of the hospital- which will happen in, if not the next chapter, then the chapter after that. I don't really have this planned out. And from here on out- seeing as I had a lot of trouble writing and editing and so on- I'll probably update every few days. So expect an update... Friday? Yes. Friday.

I don't own Kingdom Hearts, blahblahblah.

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Chapter Two: Pink

* * *

Roxas stared out the open window, waiting for the next nurse to come in and ask what they all did- how was he feeling? Was he hungry? Was he starting to remember again?

Remember what, they never specified. But there weren't many things he couldn't remember- he had forgotten his phone number, his social security number, his home address. Little things like that. And not so little things, like who this flaming-haired stranger sitting at his bedside 24/7 was. Axel. He claimed to be Roxas' "friend" but, sometimes, the blonde wasn't convinced. But he couldn't do anything about that- until he remembered.

A traumatic experience, the doctor said, could cause something like this. Even if nothing Roxas did to himself would normally result it memory loss, well, he _was_ out of it for more than a month. That only added on to the likelihood of this occurring. It wouldn't be long before Roxas' memory returned to him.

But Roxas wasn't all that convinced. He may not be a doctor, but he _knew _things like this didn't usually happen. He _k__new_ it wasn't normal_, k__new_ there was something off about… everything.

"You okay, Roxie? You look kinda like you're hurting. Want me to get a nurse?"

Roxas sighed and lazily shook his head. "I'm fine. Just... thinking." He threw a glance at the redhead before returning his gaze to the window.

That was how the conversations normally went between the two of them. Axel never questioned him, never bugged him about anything. Sure, he asked if Roxas was feeling okay every now and then. But never pushed it the way the nurses did. And even though the blonde didn't know him- or couldn't remember him- he learned to appreciate his company in the past couple days he'd been awake.

"Hello dearie!" An older nurse cheerfully strolled in and approached Roxas. "How are we doing today, sweetie? Any better?"

This nurse was a sweet old lady- Roxas didn't want to snap and hurt her feelings. But damn it, he was _tired _of all this cheeriness. Sick of it. "I'm fine ma'am. Just tired of being stuck in here all the time."

The nurse frowned and her eyes held sadness. "Oh! I'm sorry dear. It must be awful having to sit in here with nothing to do all day and night." She looked over Roxas before a smile broke out on her face. "I know! I can get you a wheelchair and maybe your lovely friend over there can show you around the hospital!" She glanced back at Axel, who grinned and winked at her, sending the lady into a fit of giggles.

Roxas was thrilled by the idea of getting out of this room. He wasn't even _hurting _anymore. Well, not as much, that is, and what did hurt was probably only because he was so stiff from always laying on that hard hospital bed. He was suddenly very anxious.

Axel smiled and stood up. "Well, Rox. Ready to get out of here for a little while?"

Roxas nodded his head quickly. The nurse smiled and laughed as she left to get a wheelchair. When she came back, Roxas was already standing beside the bed- with the help of Axel. The tall man had an arm around the smaller's waist and Roxas clung to Axel's side, his hands twisted up in the shirt.

"Damn it," Roxas breathed. "Why's it so hard to stand?"

"You haven't done anything but lay in that bed for the past month, Rox. You thought you could just jump up and be able to run a marathon with no problem?" Axel smiled when Roxas rolled his eyes. He'd learned that Axel like to be dramatic and over exaggerate things sometimes. It did make things a little more interesting though. "Get in your chair, Roxie."

The nurse held the chair while Axel helped Roxas down into it. When he was sitting comfortably, Axel took the lady's place and ruffled the blonde's hair. The action made Roxas smile- which felt... _weird_. He never really ever smiled. He couldn't remember smiling much- but of course he couldn't be sure of that thought.

Axel looked at Roxas and gasped. "My Roxas? _Smiling_? Has Hell frozen over?"

"You'd be happy to get out of there if you had to lay on that damn bed all day and all night, too," Roxas grumbled.

Axel laughed as they left the room. "Hey, at least you get to lay down. I have to sit in those chairs. Ever sat in a hospital chair every day for a month?" He laughed again and poked the back of Roxas' head. "I do it 'cause I love you though."

Roxas frowned. Axel kept saying those words. "I love you." Over and over. He desperately wished he could remember-

"Who are you?"

Axel stopped walking. "What kinda question's that, Roxie? I'm Axel."

Roxas shook his head. "I mean... Who are you... to me?"

"Oh..." Axel started walking again. "Maybe that's a question to be answered another day, Rox."

Roxas sighed angrily and crossed his arms over his chest. "I want to know now. Not tomorrow, not the day after, _now_."

Axel let out his own sigh. "Roxas, it'll just-"

"Axel."

"You know what? Fine," Axel paused. "Roxas... We used to... I was your boyfriend."

Roxas eyes widened slightly. "You were..." He turned around to look at Axel. He tried to imagine them... together. "Wait. Used to be?"

Axel nodded. "Yep. We were together for a year. And then..."

_And then I tried to kill myself.  
_  
"Oh."

It stayed quiet after that. Roxas had zoned out and Axel was thinking and not paying much attention to where he was going. So when he nearly ran over a girl with blonde hair dressed in all white, Axel couldn't blame it on anyone but himself.

Roxas gasped. "I'm so sorry! He wasn't watching where he was going, obviously." He turned around to give Axel a disapproving look. "And he'll pay more attention more attention from now on, won't he?"

Axel laughed and smiled at the girl. "Yeah, sorry. I was off in my own little world."

She smiled sweetly. "Oh, it's fine. I'm Naminè, by the way. And you are?"

Roxas smiled back. "I'm Roxas. It's nice to meet you, Naminè."

"And I'm Axel!" He grinned at Naminè before leaning slightly closer to her. "Got it memorized?"

She giggled and nodded. "Well, Roxas, Axel. It was nice meeting you two, but I've got somewhere I must be. Maybe we'll run into each other again sometime." She waved before turning and heading down the hall, soon disappearing from their sight.

Roxas sighed. "Be more careful, Axel. No more running into people, okay?"

"Technically," Axel said, a smirk on his face. "_You _ran into her."

"...Whatever."

Axel smiled as he pushed Roxas forward and they went on down the hall. "So Roxie. When do you think they're gonna let you get outta here?"

Roxas shrugged. "Hopefully soon." Roxas thought for a moment before his face fell. "But if they let me out... I have to go home."

Axel frowned. "Yeah? So? Wouldn't you rather be home than here?"

Roxas shook his head. "Has my... my dad been here? At all?"

Axel was silent for a moment before speaking. "No. He... He died, Roxas. About two weeks ago. He was in a car accident and from what I heard, he didn't last long."

Roxas wasn't sure what to think. Was he supposed to be sad his father died? Or glad that...

"So. I'm on my own then."

They stopped moving as they waited to get on the elevator. Axel smiled and patted Roxas' head. "No, silly. You got me!"

"I don't even know you."

Roxas felt Axel jerk his hand back as if he'd been burned. "What are you...? Of course you do, Rox." He pushed Roxas into the elevator when it finally opened. "You're just having some memory issues right now. That's all."

"What if I'm not? What if _you're_the one who's wrong? What if there's nothing wrong with my memory?" Roxas crossed his arms and stared up at Axel.

"Wait!"

An arm shot in through the doors a second before they closed. When they opened, a girl with long brown hair pulled back in a braid stepped in. Her green eyes were friendly and her smile only heightened the innocent look. "Sorry about that. I was afraid I wasn't going to make it." She pause to brush some dirt of her dress before looking back up to smile. "I'm Aerith."

Roxas and Axel both stared at her. She wore a light pink dress and dirty brown boots and held a basket of flowers in her hands. She had smudges of dirt randomly placed all over her arms and legs, and from the looks of it, she spent a lot of time gardening.

Roxas offered her a friendly almost-smile. "I'm Roxas. This is Axel."

Axel beamed. "Got it mem-"

"Do you say that to _every _person you meet?" Roxas turned to glare at Axel.

Axel pouted. "But it's like my catchphrase! I can't just not say it."

"It's annoying."

"No it's-"

Aerith giggled. "You two are funny. Much more lively than Cloud- oh, he's a patient here at this hospital. He had a little accident with his bike and I thought I'd bring him flowers." She held up the basket. "Would you like a flower?"

As Roxas shook his head, Axel nodded. "Roxie, you want a flower. Don't deny it!"

The doors to the elevator opened and Aerith stepped out first, followed by Roxas being pushed by a grinning Axel. They moved over so other people could get in as the looked at the flowers she had.

Roxas gazed up at her. "You really don't mind if he takes one of your flowers?"

She smiled and shook her head. "Go ahead. If someone doesn't take them, they'll have no homes. They'll be lonely."

Axel continued searching through the flowers for the right one while Roxas stared at Aerith. Since when did flowers need homes? Or get lonely?

"... fragile, too, so treat them nicely!"

Of course flowers are fragile. But it doesn't matter if you treat them nicely. They won't know the difference. So... Why was she telling them this?

"Yo, Roxie, how you like this one?" Axel pulled out a small rose with red and yellow petals. He grinned widely and held it out to Roxas. "Red and yellow! Like us!"

"Is it supposed to be like that?" Roxas asked. The bases of the petals were yellow, but the tips were red. While the colors were pretty, he wondered if it was meant to be that way.

Aerith smiled and nodded. "Yes, for some reason I always get one yellow and red rose even if I'm not even growing either red or yellow ones. I planted white roses once and imagine my surprise when one of those popped up!"

Roxas took the rose and observed it closely. "It's pretty." He looked up at Axel and held the rose out. "Here, you can have it back now."

Axel shook his head. "Nope, it's yours, Rox. You keep it." He looked from Roxas to Aerith and put a hand on the sitting boy's shoulder. "So, Aer, don't roses all have some deep meanings or whatever? What's this one mean?"

Aerith rearranged her flowers as she answered. "Well, it means friendship and falling in love- many people take it to mean friends falling in love."

Roxas' face went pink when he saw the smirk on Axel's face. "Hear that Roxie? Think its a sign?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Well, I've got to leave now. I left my friend's fiancée alone and knowing him, he's probably stepped all over my flowers." Aerith frowned to herself before she leaned down close to Roxas and gave him a friendly hug. "I hope you recover from whatever reason you're here."

Axel held out his hand and shook Aerith's, earning a very girly giggle from her. He smiled lazily at her and said, "Thanks for the flower, miss. It was a pleasure meeting you."

Aerith nodded and smile at the both of them. "You two should come to the old church sometime. It's the only place my flowers will grow, it seems, but they turn out so lovely that I can't complain." She waved as she walked away. "It was nice meeting you!"

Roxas turned and hit Axel's stomach once Aerith disappeared. "Hey! What's that for, Rox?"

"You're embarrassing. Why'd you pick a rose, of all the flowers?"

Axel's smile faltered slightly. "You always asked for red roses. When you were sick, when you were upset, even just for the hell of it. A couple years ago, you went to the hospital because you broke your wrist and you were pretty much demanding them." Axel paused to laugh. "We weren't even together at the time. But that one time, you wanted yellow roses. Now you get a yellow _and _red rose."

Roxas thought about this. It was a girly thing to want flowers. It was _weird_that he was a guy and supposedly loved receiving roses. But he wasn't in any position to object to what Axel said.

"I'm hungry."

Axel played with Roxas' hair. "Subject change much?"

Roxas crossed his arms and frowned. "I didn't know what to say. And I'm hungry. So I told you. Can we go get some food?"

Axel sighed. "Fine. There's a café here so we'll go get some sea-salt ice cream or something. Will that do?"

Roxas noticed a change in Axel's tone, but he couldn't figure out what it meant. He decided not to dwell on it, and instead looked down at the rose in his hand.

Friendship turning to love. He wondered if Axel and him really did used to be together. Maybe the rose was a sign, a sign that they were meant to be together again. Or it was meant to help Roxas remember what they had and nothing more. Or-

"You're pretty deep into your thinking, Rox. Mind enlightening me?"

Roxas shook his head. "It's nothing."

* * *

Ah, if you've ever played Final Fantasy VII, then you might have caught something. In this fic, Cloud's (the friend Aerith last mentions) fiancée is Reno (Whoa. Just noticed. I ship Reno and Cloud. And Axel and Roxas. Both pairings have a redhead and a bonde. .-. Never noticed that.) and I've always loved the scene in FFVII where Reno steps all over the flowers and then makes sure to tell the other Turks not to step on

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this slightlyboringuneventful chapter. ._.


	3. Chapter 3

I managed to write this in, like, four hours. At first I was going to put it off even longer because I'm lazy like that but figured I'd update because I know there's a few of you who actually read this and I don't want to disappoint or anything. So here you go. In this chapter, you learn the real reason behind Roxas' lack of memory. Enjoy.

I think I'm going to update every Friday from now on. A week should be plenty of time to write one chapter (hell, I did it in four hours) even with going to school (which I haven't the past couple days due to the fact that I contracted the fucking plague or something) so yeah, expect chapter four next Friday.

Nope, don't own Kingdom Hearts.

* * *

Chapter Three: Black and White

* * *

"They really gonna let you go tomorrow?"

Roxas nodded, standing in front of the window, looking out at all the lights and buildings. "Yeah, no real reason to keep me here if I'm not really injured anymore. The doctor said I could leave as long as I called if anything started to hurt or whatever." He shifted his weight and turned, now facing Axel.

He assumed walking and standing would be no problem- he was just stiff from lying in bed for a month. But, when he tried to walk, he noticed his right foot felt weird. It was uncomfortable to put weight on it and it was much more stiff than his other- after trying to move again, he soon met the ground. Axel panicked and, after picking up a disgruntled Roxas, called a nurse to check on him. He unknowingly sprained his ankle during his suicide attempt and, until now, it had gone unnoticed. It had healed since he was immobile for so long, but now he had to really work at strengthening it again. It was as close to an injury as he'd get.

Axel stood next to Roxas, leaning against the wall near the window. He had a habit of trailing the blonde around the room- probably sure he would fall any second. "Well that's good, I guess. No more uncomfortable furniture." Axel made a cheery sound and thrust his fist in the air.

Roxas rolled his eyes at the redheads glee. "You could've just left if you hated being here so much."

"Well you were here so I couldn't just leave."

Roxas silently limped back to his bed and Axel followed, choosing to sit next to the blonde instead of in a chair. When Roxas felt the bed dip beside him, he looked up at Axel. "You won't... You won't leave me will you?"

Axel glanced down at Roxas, hearing the worry and slight panic in his voice. "Geez, Rox. One minute you're insisting you don't know me, the next you're worried I'm gonna leave." He put an arm around the boy's shoulders. "Nah, I'm not gonna leave you. I care about you too much."

Roxas blushed and looked down at his lap. "I... I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I should remember you." He leaned into Axel's side. "Sometimes I get so tired of denying it and think it'd be easier to say it's all true."

Axel smiled and shook his head. "That's not the Roxy I know. He'd stand his ground and deny, deny, deny." He paused and shook his head again, laughing this time. "One time, you took my lighter and, even though you knew I knew it was you, you refused to give it back and pretended you had nothing to do with it. Took me a week to get you to admit you did it!"

Roxas watched Axel laugh and let a smile settle on his face. Axel was so worried about him that he never really acted like this- sure, he smiled and laughed and joked around, but with caution. Now he seemed like himself again.

Roxas lost his smile. Axel was himself again? How did he know that?

"You're... Usually like this, aren't you?"

Axel's laughing stopped. He gave Roxas a confused look. "What do you mean?"

Roxas shook his head. "Never mind. Stupid question." He wiggled his way out of Axel's hold and laid down on his bed, turning away from the redhead. "I want to sleep now."

Axel frowned, but got off the bed. "Okay then... Night Roxy."

"Is Roxas asleep?"

"Yeah, he usually sleeps later than this, so he won't be up for a while."

Roxas was turned away from the two men speaking- Axel and the doctor who'd been looking after Roxas. He had woken up when he heard the door open, but hadn't made any movement or sound to alert them.

"Well, as you know, he's being let out today. And I figured he'd want to leave as soon as he woke up, so I thought it best to speak with you now."

"Okay," Axel said, sounding almost bored. "So speak."

The doctor cleared his throat. "I'm not sure if you were aware of this, but Roxas has dissociative identity disorder, also known as multiple personality disorder. This is why he can't remember who you are and other facts relating to you and his relationship. Since he was in this... identity when he made his attempt at suicide, this is the side of him that was effected. Now, he has not switched over to his other identity since he's been in the hospital, so I can't be positive that that side of him hasn't been effected at all.

"He'd been visiting with a therapist for a while, almost a year, when she suddenly and unexpectedly quit. Roxas lost his only anchor when she left, and for a boy who was merely 13 years old, losing the only person who cares about you is pretty earth-shattering. For a year he was trapped in his other self and formed a relationship with another boy. When he was finally Roxas again, he stayed that way for several months before it happened again. That seems to have been the pattern that's gone on the past few years.

"His other self, from what that boy told us, refers to himself as Sora and is a very upbeat and happy person. He's clumsy and loud and nearly the exact opposite of Roxas. This Sora knows nothing about his mental illness and nothing of Roxas. Roxas, though, knew of everything- everything except how he was when he was Sora. He had to hear from others how that side of him was, and it was never an easy thing for him." The doctor paused in his speaking and sighed. "So your job is to watch him carefully and make sure he doesn't damage himself- physically or mentally. If he suddenly switches personalities again, he won't know who you are period, and I'm not sure how he'll react if he does switch. So be careful."

Roxas stared, eyes wide, at the wall in front of him. He was... He was insane? Only insane people think they're two different people. But Roxas didn't think that- so why was the doctor-

Axel had stayed quiet the entire, but now spoke up. "Okay, I understand. I'll watch after him, make sure nothing happens. Does he have a therapist he sees now?"

"No," the doctor replied. "After his first therapist left and he spent that year as Sora, he forgot about everything he went through as Roxas at that time. It's almost as if that year never happened for him, so we never got him another therapist in case the same thing were to happen."

Roxas closed his eyes and rolled over, feigning sleep. Neither the doctor nor Axel acknowledged the movement though. He peeked out of one eye at the two men to watch them as they spoke.

Axel nodded. "Okay. Would it be good to get him a therapist, especially after what he's done to himself now?"

"It wouldn't. In my opinion, the best move would be to contact the boy he's friends with- Riku, I believe is his name- as Sora and have you and him get closer to Roxas. If he switches identities, he'll have Riku with him. And you can befriend him as well, that way no matter who he is, he's not alone."

Axel nodded and found a chair to sit in. "Okay. How can I get a hold of this Riku?"

"I'll see if I can find a phone number or home address so you can contact him." The doctor opened the door before turning back around. "Oh, and Axel, I know you've got feelings for Roxas. But when he's Sora, he's a completely different person. Sora knows nothing about you- Riku, on the other hand, is Sora's partner. So you must understand that, to an extent, you will have to share him."

Axel frowned and looked away from the other man, choosing to glare at the floor instead. "Yeah, fine. Whatever."

The doctor shook his head. "I'm serious, Axel. You can cause some serious stress on the boy and break him. You need to be careful and think about Roxas _and_ Sora instead of yourself." With that, the doctor left the room, quietly shutting the door behind himself.

Axel sighed and stood up. Roxas quickly closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing.

"All I want is you, Roxas." He pressed his lips against the blonde's forehead. "I love you."

Roxas felt his face warm slightly. Hopefully Axel wouldn't notice it and would move away so Roxas could "wake up." But he didn't, he kept his face close to Roxas' and hovered over his lips for a moment before leaning in to kiss him.

Roxas eyes shot open. Axel's eyes were closed, so he didn't know the other was awake, but when he pulled back and showed his emerald eyes to Roxas, he grinned.

"Sleeping Beauty awakes after true love's kiss. How romantic."

Roxas grimaced and pushed Axel away. "You're weird."

Axel laughed and sat back down in his chair. Roxas sat up in the bed and quietly thought to himself while Axel busied himself with his phone. After a few minutes of thinking over the conversation he'd overheard, he sighed and looked over at Axel.

"I think I'm ready to leave now."

* * *

So, for those of you who look at the chapter titles, they've all been colors. If you haven't figured it out by now, the colors represent something in the chapter that's important/significant to Roxas. The first was Red because Axel was pretty much the only thing Roxas was focusing on. The second was Pink because of their encounter with Aerith, and this one is Black and White because Roxas' different "identities" are two completely different personalities and he finds out about them here.


	4. Chapter 4

There's not going to be much of an author's note here because I don't have much time to post this.

I actually had this finished yesterday, but to to the lack of internet at my house, I haven't been able to upload it until now. And I'm sorry it took me so long to get this up. I've had a busy, busy life lately and then BAM HOMESTUCK and if you read Homestuck I'm sure you understand how it would get in the way of my writing.

But here you go, have a chapter. *tosses at you* enjoy. I didn't do much proofreading so expect mistakes. I may look at this later and make little revisions but whatever.

* * *

Chapter Four: Blue

When Roxas stepped out of the car, he wasn't quite sure what to think. He figured Axel would have some dingy little apartment, or even an average house messily kept. He wasn't expecting this... this _mansion_.

Well, maybe mansion was a bit of an exaggeration. The nice, two story house with a big weeping willow and pool was just not what Roxas had imagined to be Axel's home.

"You live here?" the blonde asked, still admiring the well-kept yard.

Axel laughed and nodded. "Still living with my mom, but soon I'll have the money to get my own place. It's not bad though, she's pretty cool." He grabbed Roxas' hand and pulled him towards the front door, the blonde blushing at the action. He tried to pull his hand back but that only made Axel tighten his hold.

"Mom? I'm home now, I brought Roxas, too." Axel looked around the front room for his mother while Roxas took in his surroundings. There was a couch, chair, and loveseat. Everything looked normal- after seeing the outside of the house he was expecting something extravagant on the inside. There wasn't even a TV, only a fireplace with pictures on the mantel. Roxas pulled his hand away from Axel and drifted over to the fireplace, curious as to what the picture frames held.

On one end of the shelf was a picture of Axel as a child on his birthday, his green eyes excited as he leaned forward to blow out the 5-shaped candle. The opposite end held a picture of a man with black hair and green eyes, a woman with a stunning shade of red hair and blue eyes, and finally a photo considerably bigger than the other two- Axel and Roxas. They were in the front yard underneath the large willow, and Roxas stood in front of the taller boy whose arms were wrapped around the blonde's chest. Both wore happy expressions, though Roxas' seemed a little... Off.

Roxas stared at the picture. His face turned pink- he'd denied Axel so much, vehemently refused to believe he and Axel were more than friends. But 'just friends' don't take pictures like this, do they?

"That was taken before prom. You... Probably don't remember. My mom was thrilled to see me with someone, even if you were a guy. There's actually an entire photo album full of the pictures she took that day." Axel laughed as he explained the picture and came up to stand behind Roxas. Roxas nodded and continued to examine the picture, trying to remember. It seemed... Familiar.

"And speaking of my mom, she's not here. According to this note she left," he waved a piece of paper in front of Roxas' face. "She'll be gone for a few days, so we'll have the house all to ourselves." He sent Roxas a suggestive wink and smirked, knowing it'd cause an interesting reaction.

Roxas' face went red and he turned away from Axel, his hands coming up to hide his intense blush. Axel laughed.

"Oh, Roxy! You should've seen your face! That was great." He smiled down at Roxas before pulling him into his arms and holding him tightly. "You're so innocent, it's adorable. I was only kidding, Rox. I wouldn't do anything like that with you, not while you didn't know of our relationship at least."

Roxas' face was pressed against Axel's chest and he took in a deep breath, enjoying Axel's indescribable smell.

"Rox?"

Roxas looked up when he heard the unusually soft voice. "Hmm?"

Axel frowned and pulled back, his hands moving to slowly travel down Roxas' arms. He paused when his fingers felt the scarred skin at Roxas' wrists. "We're... gonna have to talk about this and what happened, you know."

Roxas abruptly jerked his hands away from Axel's. His eyes went wide with fear as he moved away from the other male. He couldn't get himself to say anything as he stared at the redhead's chest, not able to say anything. He brought his hands up to his chest and started to shake.

Roxas' reaction scared Axel and had him torn between running over to him and holding him or leaving him be to not scare him off. "Roxas?"

"N-No I can't, I just can't I-"

Axel stepped towards Roxas and grabbed him, pulling him tight against himself. "I'm sorry Roxas. You don't have to, I'm sorry. I just thought it might, you know, help. I don't deal with this so I don't know what to do." Roxas stayed still and silent while Axel held him. But the silence didn't last long. A loud chime rang throughout the house, and the sudden noise made Roxas jump. Axel smiled at him before going to the door.

Roxas trailed silently behind him, peeking around the taller male's arm when the door was opened, revealing a familiar face. Aquamarine eyes were framed by silvery hair- Roxas thought it was dyed, but his white-blonde eyebrows suggested it might be natural. His eyes were sharp and it almost made Roxas shudder and want to hide. He was tall, but not nearly as tall as Axel was.

Roxas kept finding himself drawn to his eyes. They seemed so familiar- Roxas was hit hard by a wave of déjà vu, finding the situation very much like the one he was in with Axel a few days ago.

The silver-haired man's eyes widened when he saw Roxas. His mouth opened like he wanted to say something, but no words came. He merely composed himself and cleared his throat before turning to Axel. "Thank you... for inviting me."

Axel nodded. "Yeah man, no problem. Figured it'd be nice... since its been a while. And I wouldn't know what to do if-"

Roxas frowned and stepped around Axel, interrupting the redhead's words. "Who are you?"

Axel and the stranger both stared down at Roxas, slightly shocked by the fact that Roxas spoke up.

"Hey... I'm Riku," was the only reply Roxas received.

"Okay, Riku, why are you here?"

Axel smirked and threw an arm around the short boy's shoulders. "Well, Roxy, feeling sassy, huh?" Roxas blushed but kept his gaze on Riku.

Riku looked confused- it seemed he was at a loss. This had Roxas turning to Axel to hear from him. "Axel?"

A silent moment passed before Roxas decided on his answer. "You know how you... forgot me? Well, Riku here, you forgot him, too. In a different way, though."

"What do you mean?" Roxas turned to look at Riku. He just looked familiar- Axel he at least felt he should remember. For all he knew, Riku could just be someone he had passed by at school or the store once.

Rikku looked away, his stoic mask faltering slightly, the sadness leaking through. "It's... You probably wouldn't-"

"Yo," Axel said, interrupting the nervous male. "I got it, don't worry. Why don't we all go sit in the living room and discuss this?"

Axel didn't wait for a reply, he simply grabbed the other two's arms and pulled them into the other room. Roxas tried to pull his arm away but even Riku couldn't remove the unwanted hand.

Once Riku and Roxas were seated on the couch, Axel spoke. "So Roxy. Do you know Riku at all? Do you even feel like you know him, like you do me?"

The blonde looked up at Axel, who was still standing. "I- I don't know. He's kind of familiar I guess. Should I know him?"

Riku and Axel stared at each other for a moment before they both turned their gazes to Roxas. "Sor- Roxas... Do you know why you think I'm familiar?"

Roxas thought about it for a moment. "I'm gonna guess it's the same reason I can't exactly remember Axel?"

"In a way, it is," Axel replied. "But it's not at the same time."

Roxas frowned as a dull, rhythmic throbbing began in his head. "That's confusing."

Riku sighed and Axel sat down on the arm of the couch next to Roxas. "Roxy you've... You know what split personality disorder is, right?"

"Yeah... What about it?"

Axel hesitated, which caused Roxas to assume what he would find to be correct. "Does the name Sora ring a bell?"

* * *

_"Sora!"_

_A short brunette giggled as he mentally praised himself for finding such a brilliant hiding spot. He was in the towel closet beside the bathroom, hiding behind a mountain of towels. He would surely never get found in-_

_Sora shielded his eyes from the sudden blinding light as the door was yanked open. He looked up in dismay as he pouted. "How'd you find me, Riku?"_

_The silver-haired teen smiled down at him. "I could hear you from the other room." He reached down and grabbed Sora's hand, pulling him up and into his arms. Sora grinned as he threw his arms up around Riku's neck and wrapped his legs around the taller's waist._

_"You always find me but I can never find you. It's not fair," Sora pouted as he spoke, looking up at Riku and suddenly burst out laughing._

_Riku let out a few chuckles of his own before setting Sora down, taking the brunette's hand in his. "You need to dye your hair again, Sora," he said, playing with his boyfriends messy hair. "Your blondness is showing." He smiled at the joke he made, though he didn't think Sora would catch it._

_Sora thought for a moment before speaking. "Nah, I think I'm gonna go back to being blonde again. I dunno... It just feels like its time."_

_Riku nodded and looked away, but not before Sora could catch his sad expression. "Riku? Is something wrong?"_

_Riku shook his head and looked back to Sora. He was smiling, but his aquamarine eyes still looked sad. "It's nothing Sora. I just remembered I... I have someone I need to say goodbye to soon."_

_Sora's brows furrowed in confusion. "That sounds... sad. Who is this 'someone?'"_

_Riku patted Sora's head and stood up. "Someone I love a lot. But it's almost time for them to go and I'm not sure I have enough time to tell them that.."_

_This only confused Sora more, but he decided not to ask about it anymore. He shook his head and grinned up at Riku. "I'm tired Riku, and my head is killing me. Can we go take a nap or somethin'?"_

_"Sure," Riku responded. "Just don't snore." Though he didn't seem enthusiastic about sleeping, Sora guessed he was only aiming to please the younger male._

_"I don't snore! I just- breathe loudly when I sleep!" Sora laughed and got up, pulling Riku up with him. "Come on, Riku. Lets gooo."_

_Riku held Sora's hands as they made their way up the stairs to Riku's small room. Sora dove right for the bed that was messily made. He curled up on one side of it, smiling at Riku as he patiently waited for the silver-haired boy to make his way over._

_Seconds later Riku finally slid in next to the younger male, who instantly pulled himself closer and wrapped his arms around Riku. "How long has it been since we met, Riku? A year?"_

_Riku nodded. "Yeah, I think so," he paused for a moment before continuing, a smile on his face as he recalled that day. "You ran into me on your first day of school. I got coffee all over my favorite sweater."_

_Sora blushed and smiled as he pressed his face against Riku's chest. "I remember. And you weren't mad at all. I was kinda scared you were gonna punch me or something 'cause you looked so scary. But you didn't. You just said-"_

_"'Hi, I'm Riku.'" They both smiled as they spoke together. Riku pressed his face into Sora's spiky hair as his smile grew. "That was the first time anyone paid me any attention during school- even if it was just you being clumsy and not paying attention. And then we had every class together and you never left my side once."_

_Sora grinned and looked up at Riku. "Hey Riku?"_

_"Hmm?" The teen in question looked down at the other boy, noticing how almost-serious he sounded._

_"I love you."_

_Riku's eyes widened slightly at the confession. But once his mind started working again he returned Sora's smile. "I love you too." He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against Sora's lips, trying to contain his elation at the words just spoken._

_Sora pulled away and moved his face to Riku's neck, hiding his face from the world. He was still smiling and probably would be until the day he died. He felt that his life was perfect and nothing would ruin his happiness so long as Riku was there to share it with him._

_Sora fell asleep minutes later and Riku drifted off afterward, though not with as happy thoughts as Sora. He knew about Sora and his problem. He knew that, from what the doctor told him, he wouldn't have much more time with him. He knew he /didn't/ have forever with him._

The boy groaned as his eyes opened to reveal two worried looking faces. The second they saw he was awake, they spoke at the same time.

* * *

"Sora?"

"Roxas?"

Blonde brows furrowed in confusion.

"Who's Roxas?"

* * *

The chapter name is blue because it made me sad and because Sora's in it. I'll try and update faster than last time (this time?), but no promises.


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